I'm in love with a girl who doesn't even know I'm alive.
She thinks she got me with her long range rifle, but she missed.-- Jonathan Colan
We have just enough religion to make us hate, but not enough to make us love one another.-- Jonathan Swift
A trial is a lot like gladiator combat. Except trials don't feature half-naked men in armor with swords and spears and those ball thingies at the ends of ropes. Well, okay -- the good trials do, but it doesn't happen often enough, if you ask me.-- Jonathan Colan
"As blushing will sometimes make a whore pass for a virtuous woman, so modesty may make a fool seem a man of sense."-- Jonathan Swift
When a true genius appears in the world, you may know him by this sign, that the dunces are all in confederacy against him.-- Jonathan Swift